Teeth

I know, the title for this is gripping. But seriously, the stories of my teeth are legendary. I want to know what people did before we had dentists! I suppose they just ripped them out, right? Well that was probably cheaper.

So about a year ago I visited a dentist who discovered ten cavities in my mouth. Sick? Yes, I know. So I vowed from that point on to brush my teeth every day. Oh, wait, I already did! I am not homeless and without a toothbrush. In fact, if the every day dental hygiene habits were effective on me I'd be a great spokesperson for dentistry. Except that I hate dentists. They incite such irritation in me! Every time I go in I get the lecture about having good brushing and flossing habits. Dude! I floss every day. I bet that's more than most, let's be honest here. And even after I began that I still went back to be told I had two more cavities on top of the ten from the last checkup. I am not a child. I take care of my teeth. And no, I don't drink soda ten times a day either. But they give me this condescending "dentist" look that says, "Do you want your teeth to look like this?"

Nice.

So now I have to have a root canal this afternoon. I have to tell you though, even if I have to sit there drooling all over myself for two and a half hours and spend an obscene amount of money on it, at least I will be able to sleep tonight--in theory, that is. And I can stop taking Lortab. Curse that medicine. I wasted my entire Saturday because of that junk. But at least my tooth didn't hurt for those six hours that my stomach did. Way to take the hit, stomach.

<-----My arms look like that after I brush too.

 I wrote a poem about my tooth this weekend just to illustrate how unfortunate it is.

To pull the tooth or spend exorbitant amounts to save it?
Spending money on my teeth is against my religion.
I hate teeth.
I think I’ll let it rot.
I hope I marry a dentist.

The moral of the story, kids, is brush your teeth and visit your local dentist so he can make his fortune by cleaning your pearly whites. In ten years it'll be my veneers he'll be cleaning. Maybe they'll be easier for both of us- he and I. But he'll be able to retire after that anyway.