A New Addition

I didn't exactly reach my goal, but Santa thought I deserved this thing anyway. He also bought me new tires. Just try and tell me Santa's not real.

Boys in Footie Pajamas

Little boys in footie pajamas are one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. Last night I got to watch three little boys who were wearing them. Consequently these are some of my favorite boys in the whole world. Thus last night was one of my favorite nights.
As I wrapped them up in their blankets like little bean and cheese burritos I realized I'm gonna have so much fun with my own little burritos. But for now, I'm good with these ones--even if they try to remove my fingers because I'm tickling them too much, they won't wash off whatever poop ended up on their faces, or they can't quite get behind the idea of "Rock, Paper, Scissors". (By the way, why are the scissors plural?)

In Amy Jo's Classroom

I'm supposed to be observing Amy Jo's class right now but I've never sat in a teacher's lounge and learned about the ear and why people are deaf.

I'm Sure You're All Wondering...

...if there is any way possible for me to actually make 2300 cookies in a little over two months. Let me assure you, there is. I will do it.

That is all. Yeah, that's all I have to say right now.

Over and out.

I Want to Go to There

Spiral Jetty

Ohhhh Now I Get It

"It says here:
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper resperatory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold."

Thank you Guys and Dolls, this explains why I am always sick. I get it.

Night of Wonder and Surprise. Mmm.

So my friends and I sat in kiddie pools last night, drank root beer, and ate pizza. Lacking a slightly larger recreational water repository, is there any better remedy to a long day at work? I propose there is not. Even if ours was not quite as grandiose as this particular model.

However
I don't actually drink soda very often. Particularly sodas not of the diet variety.  I do drink my diet coke on occasion. But that's not a frequent occurrence either.
My other favorite thing, besides water-logging my butt in a pool that's actually just my size, is taking drives. Long, peaceful, music filled, mind-numbing drives up Provo canyon.
But I get motion sick in or on just about anything that moves.
So naturally on this drive with a friend who I would really rather not look quite so vulnerable in front of, I puked. The combination of root beer and pizza and driving up a winding road were apparently just too much for the old gut. The conversation went something like this (I might have embellished a bit. What?):

"Um, I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Oh, okay. Sorry."
"I think I'm gonna sit outside so I don't defile your car."
"Oh geez, like for reals? Like you really are sick?"
"Mm." (Couldn't talk much anymore)
"Do you want me to hold your hair back?"
Waved him off
"Um call me over if you need me."
And action. Geez I'm graceful. "Goosh. Cough. Sputter. Goosh. Spit. Cough." Too graphic? I'll stop. You get the idea.
Pathetically: "Ummm can you please come hold me up and my hair back?" In defense of me sounding so weak and whiney, I was gonna tumble down the mountain. And the first thing I would have rolled into was my own vomit.

He did his duty manfully and without complaint and then we got back in the car-- after realizing we were still sitting in front of my own regurgitation well after the deed was done.
Thanks friend, you know who you are. You really took one for the team last night. 
I need a new nickname. Pukey Pants? Fainting Fanny? Any other suggestions? I'm an idiot. But I have some stories to show for it ha ha.

Humor Me. Or Don't.

**LAST....
-Beverage you had: water
-Phone call you made: my sister
-Text message you sent: "When?"
Song you listened to: "Love the Way You Lie". What? I like Rhianna.
-Time you cried: Last night

**HAVE YOU EVER....
-Dated someone twice: yes, a few different people. It might be a bad habit but it might also be me covering my bases
-Been cheated on: no
-Kissed someone & regretted it:  I don't know actually, I don't have many regrets like that anymore. You know the whole learning experience thing :)
-Lost someone special: who hasn't?
-Been depressed: yes

**3 FAVORITE COLORS
1. white 
2. gray
3. blue

**THIS YEAR HAVE YOU...(2010)
-Made a new friend: definitely
-Fallen out of love: yes actually, it was so gradual I didn't even notice
-Laughed til you cried: I hope so although I can't recall particulars
-Met someone who changed you: yes
-Found out who your true friends were: I don't like this statement, it feels too negative
-Found out someone was talking about you: There's always someone, what does it matter?

**RANDOM...
-How many kids do you want: 3, 4, or 5. Since someone else will be involved I have left room for compromise
-Do you have any pets: two dogs at my parents' house and quite a few snails every time it rains here
-Do you want to change your name: Sometimes but it would be a huge pain. You may all call me "Jennifer Ashlee" though, if you'd really like to make me happy :)
-What did you do for your last birthday: I cannot honestly remember. I was sick I think?
-What time did you wake up today: 7:00 ish.
-What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping! Oh my magical!
-Name something you can NOT wait for: graduation
-Last time you saw your mother: April
-If you could change 1 thing about your life what would it be: I would be more frugal, but luckily I can change that. I just have to get started. Good bye shopping :(
-What are you listening to right now: "3 Rounds and a Sound" Blind Pilot

**PERSONAL..
-Whats getting on your nerves right now: peoples' insecurities and my own shortcomings.
-Full name: Jennifer Ashlee Draper
-Nicknames: Ash, Baby Ash, Bad Ash, Scoop, Flat Shoe, Pocket Pal
-Relationship status: single (see last post ha ha)
-Zodiac sign: Virgo
-Male or female: Female
-Elementary: Maplewood in Portland, OR and Dietz Elementary in Tucson, AZ
-High school: Palo Verde High School
-Hair color: Dirty blonde
-Long or short: short I guess
-Height: 5' 1"
-Have a crush: I wouldn't call it that
-What do you like about yourself: I'm not conceited, just self-assured- I like most things about myself :)
-Piercings: one in each ear
-Tattoos: no way
-Righty or lefty: righty

**FIRSTS....
-Injury: stitches in my chin from a duplo block
-Best friend: Ardis Smith
-Sport you joined: Soccer
-Vacation: camping somewhere with the family probably

**RIGHT NOW...
-Eating: nothing
-Drinking: nothing
-About to: burst out of my skin
-Listening to: "More Stars Than There Are In Heaven" Yo La Tengo. This question's getting old.

**YOUR FUTURE...
-Want kids: I already said 3-5. More repetitive questions. Who writes these things? Who fills them out...?
-Get married: That's the plan
-Career: English Teacher (at Timpview with Cassidy)

**WHICH IS BETTER...
-Hugs or kisses: hugs
-Lips or eyes: eyes
-Shorter or taller: medium
-Older or younger: I'm working through this complex
-Romantic or Spontaneous: there should be more options
-Nice stomach or arms: arms I guess
-Sensitive or loud: he'd have to be balanced or he'd drive me nuts. Why so many absolutes?!
-Hook up or relationship: relationships. What am I, 16?
-Trouble maker or hesitant: I've always been pretty detrimentally straight-laced and I think trouble makers bring a little spice to my life ha ha.

**HAVE YOU EVER...
-Lost glasses/contacts: Sunglasses in the ocean
-Broken someone's heart: yeah
-Had your heart broken: yeah
-Turned someone down: yeah
-Cried when someone died: yes
-Fallen for a friend: yes, it's what I do

**DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
-Yourself: definitely
-Miracles: yes
-Love at 1st sight: rarely and not for me
-Heaven: yes
-Santa: if you mean my mother
-Angels: yes

**ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
-Had more than 1 BF at a time: ridiculous. Plus I am a terrible liar and could never pull it off ha ha.
-Did you sing today: obviously
-Afraid of falling in love: terrified

In the Desert. Alone. Bahahaha.

The Perks of Wearing Makeup:

People don't ask you if you had trouble sleeping the night before.

Nothingness

Geez it's ridiculous that I even have to remind myself to breath sometimes. You might think I'm exaggerating, but similar to the way I grind my teeth and clench my jaw without noticing, I find myself forgetting to circulate oxygen through my lungs. Why? Oh, because my life is stressful and I have more on my plate than I can handle.

FALSE. My life is amazing and I'll never have more than I can handle unless I bring it on myself (which I think I unconsciously love to do. Sick.)

Today I needed a day of rest and relaxation. I mean that seriously. I think if I don't take some time to do nothing on behalf of my sanity that I might actually blow a fuse, short a circuit, whatever.

So my nothingness is cleaning my room, finishing my book, and turning up my radio full blast (must to the displeasure of my roommates below me. Please, who am I kidding? They love it). Next step: shower.

Spontaneity

Some crazy stuff has sparked some crazy ideas to my brain lately and I feel a sudden urgency to do the most random things in my life.

1. I am reading a book called Stiff by Mary Roach about  cadavers. Call me morbid but I'm completely enthralled. I even read it while I'm eating. Yesterday, granted, it was not such a good idea. Del Taco and embalming kind of didn't settle well together. But now I want to take Anatomy in school before I graduate. Why not?

The book is full of random facts you never knew you wanted to know about dead bodies. The following is my favorite example thus far:
                 
"...when we're alive, we expel that gas. The dead, lacking workable stomach muscles and sphincters and bedmates to annoy, do not. Cannot. So the gas builds up and the belly bloats. I ask Arpad why the gas wouldn't just get forced out eventually. He explains that the small intestine has pretty much collapsed and sealed itself off. Or that there might be "something" blocking its egress. Though he allows, with some prodding, that a little bad air often does, in fact, slip out, and so, as a matter of record, it can be said that dead people fart. It needn't be, but it can."

I carry this book around with me everywhere. I can't put it down and people are starting to think I'm a little weird. It has the dead people feet with the little time of death tag on the cover. A little disarming, I know. Maybe I should switch my major to forensics. Just kidding everyone!! Just kidding!!

2. Last night my friend helped me replace my radiator in my car. When I say "helped" I really mean he did it. Naturally, I now want to go work in a mechanic's shop for a year or so and learn how to fix my own cars. It's not that hard. I need tools though... Just another expense, no big deal. But all you have to do is disconnect and connect the hoses. I got this.

3. A friend of mine told me she used to institute a practice called "Naked Wednesdays" at her house. The girls would come home, lock the doors, close the blinds, and wander around naked. Gutsy.
(omitting illustration on this one)

4. This same friend made a drive to the California coast just a few months ago because she wanted to. By herself. She slept in her car. Awesome. I'm doing it. But to Oregon. The magical land of my childhood. Cannon Beach, here I come.

I want to be able to tell my kids I did some awesome things. Like walking around naked... Yeah, I'd probably omit that from my stories to them if I ever actually worked up the nerve to do it. Which I won't. So omission is unnecessary.

But I actually might find it necessary to omit to my parents that I'm planning on driving to the coast by myself. I just need to. In the words of Kirsten Dunst from Elizabethtown, "To have never taken a single, solitary roadtrip...?" And I want to learn anatomy. I want to fix my own car. I can do this. All of it. Why not? And as my father pointed out, I'll never have more time than I do right now.

...and then I hit the floor

So I was at work doing my job. I am a frequent visitor of that place. But honestly I had just recently returned from a short hiatus that involved a lovely trip to Arizona- that place where it doesn't snow (much, except maybe in Flagstaff). Despite the weather, I was kind of happy to be back seeing as how I am one of those freaky weird people who likes having a routine and thinks that vacation is slightly stressful.

Having missed my coworkers and even a few of my clients, I thought the day was going well. And then it hit me... or rather I hit it... or, even better, my elbow hit it- it being the countertop- and my world went spinning or crashing down, whichever saying you prefer, they're both accurate.

I began to walk back to my computer, feeling a sadly familiar dizzy sensation with each step. With my back turned to my client, I was hoping she hadn't quite noticed my teetering footsteps. As I reached my computer I could convince myself to do nothing except rest my forehead against it. Try as might, I couldn't convince myself to stand erect after I had placed my forehead on the monitor. I couldn't move.

So I told me coworker that I needed him to take the receipt back to the client because I was going to pass out. How did I know this for sure? I'll get to that. He grabbed me by the waist and tried to take me somewhere to sit but I declined. I am stupidly stubborn sometimes. I knew I was going to pass out but I decided to stay standing? Idiot. As he's walking back from delivering the receipt apparently I slumped onto the counter and then my knees gave out as I gracefully swooned into his arms. Honestly, I think he's a lucky guy to have been able to play the Knight in Shining Armor. He said he caught me much more gracefully than I fell... dangit.

Suddenly I was somewhere else entirely, or at least I thought I was. I was dreaming within a fraction of a second. So when I woke up to Ryan standing over me, Richard propping up my feet, and Brendan on the phone saying something about his employee passing out I was caught off guard- as anyone would be. I immediately tried to sit back up. Why I did this I really don't know because that's really not a brilliant idea after fainting. But obviously my faculties were not at their peak.
I love hearing my coworkers tell the story. I turned blue, I was out for fifteen seconds, I wasn't breathing. It sounds terribly dramatic and dangerous. And yet it continues to make me laugh. If I had started seizing or peed my pants I probably wouldn't be so keen to laugh about it. Kevin started laughing because he said I reminded him of the fainting goats. Well that's flattering.

Yep, that's real. Watch it for yourself here.

I really came back to when my boss said something to the paramedics on the phone about an ambulance. I immediately retorted, "I don't need an ambulance!" There are two reasons for my vehement decline of their services. One, I don't like paying for medical expenses and I am stupidly stubborn about seeing doctors. Unbelievable, I know. I'll spend $100 on a pair of jeans but nothing for my health. Two, I knew what had caused my little dizzy spell.

Yes folks, it was my elbow. Because I hit my elbow I blacked out. It's embarrassing, nay, even mortifying. And yet, so ridiculously funny. My friends tried to hit it later that night to see if I'd do it again. First off, nice. As if I'd like to pass out twice in a day. Second, punching my elbow is not going to make me pass out. But how did I know this? Oh, I've done it before. Don't worry, it's normal for people to hit their elbow and pass out maybe once in their lifetime. I'm apparently the only idiot who does it twice though. I called my dad and he just laughed, recalling the incident in high school (imagine waking up to your choir director poised directly above your head) where I'd done it previously. Still, my dad could have shown a little sympathy.

They took me to the doctor the first time and he said it had something to do with a vasovagal response. I included the wikipedia page in case you think I'm making this up. Although it says nothing concerning elbow hitting.

Dear Cafe Rio

Please don't make me throw up in front of my Spanish tutor again.

Thank you.

Oh Here I Am!

Sorry guys. Sorry for taking a little leave-of-absence. Relax, I'm back. In honor of my return to the blogging world I have decided to post a few poems that have gracefully fallen from my lips recently. I was just kidding about the graceful part but you could say they fell in a certain manner I suppose.

This first one comes from a dialogue I tend to have with myself on occasion. Yeah, I talk to myself.

My Heart is Broken
One:
The pain in my chest is more than I can bear-
Oh, why this blasted eternal ache? 
No God, this life is never fair
If my heart only continues to break.

Two:
Wait, what?
Your heart is broken? you must be dead
Your logical fallacies are hurting my head.
A heart cannot be broken, as you say
but after it stops it can rot and decay.
If rot and decay this moment do beset
then I hope, dear one, your mind is cleared of all regrets.
For soon your thoughts will be no more.
Which will spare us who think your whinings a bore.

This second poem came about when my professor asked me to freewrite about the word "death-marked." Naturally I thought of Muppet Treasure Island and began rhyming from there.

 Death-Marked

Upon my brow, I swore there lied

A funny mark thereon that tied

My life to death, quite ominously

Man and woman, both, avoided me.

Don't worry, I know they're weak sauce. I'm taking a poetry writing class in the fall, that should help.

Fashion- Oh How I Love It

Again, it's one of those things I don't like to admit to. When people ask me where I purchased this shirt or that sweater I will tell them, but I won't like it. I feel like a snob. So I usually add something like, "But I bought it at the outlet!" It makes me feel better, what?

I get this warm fuzzy feeling when people tell me I look cute. Sure, I shrug it off like it's nothing, but deep inside I hoard up all of those moments and when I feel particularly scrubbish I take a peek at them to rejuvenate my fashionista spirits. Something so materialistic probably shouldn't make me quite so happy.

But I had one such moment in class the other day. A friend of mine who's not yet an English major but soon will be said, "You have cool color constructions. I like the evolution of that." Yeah buddy. You know who you are. Bless you.

Book Blurred Vision

As if I've been drinking, every word I type is doubled-- like there's a mirror image just underneath every single letter. Have I been drinking? you ask. I reply no. Although I'm sure alcohol is absolutely titillating for some, it really has never called my name.

So what is it exactly that has blurred my vision? Only the few, the proud, and the nerdy can truly know what I'm talking about here. I call it "Book Blurred Vision."

Allow me to backtrack in order to defend myself. My life is careening constantly toward chaos (note the alliteration. Thank you. I hope that last period I typed was really a period and not a comma because I can't tell). I'm exhausted by all of the things I have to do! However, I strangely love it. Snuggly holding me together like my best pair of skinnies, my busy life is actually my best friend. I wouldn't be happy without it.

But I can't always be busy. I'm wearing down. The slight tickle/pain in my throat is a warning of impending doom-- or just a virus, if you prefer me to be non-melodramatic. So today, on this lovely president's day, I did nothing. Nothing, that is, but read a book. Was it for school? Oh no friends. It was a book about werewolves... and it was lovely. It was sad, sweet, tender even. And I enjoyed her writing style and how it changed when she changed the voice as a rhetorical device.

Yes, it was young adult. But for all of you shaking your heads at me, I pose a question: Why would my University bother to require a young adult fiction class if they were worthless? It wouldn't. Therefore, day well spent. I just can't see at the moment. Please excuse any typos.

For a Friend

I have had a few requests for this magical cookie recipe. It's true, after this many cookies it should be a little above par. If you'll all forgive me, I must admit that these are my favorite cookies ever. I realize that seems a little strange to say about my own cookies but I can't help myself. It is just one of the forces that moves me to make more all of the time. As I'm walking home from school, on a very regular basis, I crave these daggum cookies.

So here you are:
3/4 c brown sugar
3/4 c sugar
2 3/4 c flour (add more if your cookies turn out semi-flat)
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla (real vanilla is better but more expensive, fyi)

2 sticks of butter
2 large eggs
Guittard milk chocolate chips (this is very important, don't skimp on the chips, these are the best chocolate chips I've ever had)
Reeses peanut butter chips (I've never tried generic, good luck if you so choose to sojourn down that course)

Heat oven to 375. Mix sugars and butter. Add in vanilla and eggs. Mix dry ingredients, I usually do flour last. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: Add the chocolate and peanut butter chips to your heart's content. I always believe in very, very fair amounts of peanut butter chips. Scoop small amounts out with a spoon and roll into balls (only if you want shapely cookies, of course). Bake a dozen at a time for no longer than nine minutes. Depending on your oven you may want to bake for less time but I highly discourage baking them longer. That is, unless you're a crunchy cookie person. In which case you probably wouldn't like my cookies- it's the gooier the better for me.

Happy baking my friends! Now I really need to get on to new recipes.

The Disastrous Dabbling Poet

There are days when I realize I love school. I never want to leave! And then I see the tuition check went through my bank account or two books cost more money than my car (okay, I exaggerate, nothing could cost more than my car).

Where else can you sit and laugh as you discuss literature and poetry with people who actually know somewhat of what they're spouting off about? I love it.

Today I discovered a veritable genius among poets. Marianne Moore's poem Poetry has left me feeling inspired to write some. And yes, I do dabble in poetry (when I use the word dabble feel free to imagine me snubbing all of you as I pretend to be superior with my dabbling habits, just realize I'm kidding). I write a fairly crappy poem usually twice a week and bravely put it online for the world to see. Occasionally, I write poetry and store it on my computer, never to be seen by human eyes- that means it's really crappy. Or really sentimental, I don't believe anyone needs to see those.

(Doesn't she just look awesome?)

But when I say she inspires me to write some, I mean she inspires me to write good poetry; to experiment with lines and structure and to know exactly why I use each word and each break. Wish me luck and read Marianne Moore.

By the way, her poem Poetry is where my blog title comes from, if you wanted to know.

Originality and Creativity

Friends, I am on the hunt for a name for my blog. I believe certain friends or family members of mine think that my blog's title is boring. Let me just defend myself by saying I wasn't planning on becoming a blogger when I began. But now that I'm in it I think I need to throw myself a bone and try not to look so lame.

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this post is because if I'm trying to be original I have to come up with the name on my own. Don't worry, it'll be brilliant when I do.

Good Ideas

Note to self: peanut butter chips with chocolate chips = success.
Also: DO NOT EVER bake longer than nine minutes.
One more thing: less sugar and more vanilla. And it is okay to be picky about real vanilla vs. the fake junk.
Self, this has been noted.

Why Do I Bother?

I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning to read my Spanish textbook so as not to bomb a ten-point quiz in class at eight. (The crack of dawn translates to 5:45 in my mind.) My professor then proceeded to give us time in class to study before he administered said quiz. It was only after this fifteen minute time period had ended and the quiz had begun that I realized I read the wrong section. I still managed an 80%. How do I feel about this? Perplexed. And tired.

Embarrassing Confession

I have never endeavored to understand the obsession and recent boom of teeny-bopper hits such as High School Musical and its sequels which, in sheer number, are starting to carry a slight resemblance to all of the The Land Before Time sequels. I wonder to myself,  "How many years can these kids possibly be in high school?"

But this weekend I had a fit of guilty pleasures and ended up getting Cafe Rio as takeout and eating it at home while I watched a cheap RedBox flick (which has turned out to not be so cheap since I still haven't returned it. ___ RedBox. Insert your own expletive or curse as you so choose for the ____. I swear by blanks.). Are you dying to know what movie I chose to entertain myself with this weekend? Was it intellectually stimulating? Since my opening talks about teeny-bopper hits and dinosaur cartoons from however many years ago a good guess is probably, uh, "no."

I don't know why I publish these things to the world but I'm going to tell you anyway. 17 Again. I hope you can read that because I won't say it again. More embarrassing though was how much I loved it. I pride myself on enjoying the aforementioned intellectually stimulating entertainment options. Give me 1984 over Twilight and Blood Diamond over Trendy-Predictable-Chick-Romance-Crap. But sometimes I enjoy a good vampire drama, every once in awhile Notting Hill makes me cry, and occasionally I like Zac Efron movies. I purposefully did not look up how to spell his name. I hope I wrote it wrong. Because the most embarrassing part of all of this is the sad cougar-crush I have developed on this barely-graduated teenage icon. Ugh.

I was going to include a picture of him with his shirt half-off but it felt a little like child porn.